she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
