how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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