We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
