in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
...so i touched it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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