Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize