I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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