The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
