Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
