she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
