I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
