Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
