like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
