My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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