fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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