it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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