The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
