my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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