I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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