I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
