That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
