I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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