I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
