you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is this the sara with the beer cane?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
