Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
