I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize