Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
