the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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