your room smells of hookers.
And success
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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