I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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