so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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