i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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