the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My cat gives me a boner
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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