I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
did you just send me my own nude
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
