Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
this is an emotional support booty call
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
