allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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