I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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