I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
