i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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