Whod you bang
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
