I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
