It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
