There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
