lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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