so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
