OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
