Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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