wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
