Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize