so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize