here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
