Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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