no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Green mimosas i think yes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
