Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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