i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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