and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
