I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
