omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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