Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
