i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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