Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
