Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
