Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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