Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
