I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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