We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
