My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
