I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
