you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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