She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
