Yo dont text me then not text me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you inspire me to be a worse person
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dick very happy bro
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize