This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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